24 Hour Helpline:
This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:
• psychological
• physical
• sexual
• financial
• emotional
What is Domestic Abuse?
Harbour uses the Home Office definition of domestic violence which is:
Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.
Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.
Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.*
*This definition includes so called ‘honour’ based violence, female genital mutilation (FGM) and forced marriage, and is clear that victims are not confined to one gender or ethnic group.
Violence of Abuse?
Violence can be brutal and life changing for others.
The Home Office definition refers to violence however we prefer the phrase domestic abuse as this wider term better describes the range of experiences that victims are subjected to.
For some people there is no violence involved but there is sustained and devastating psychological abuse which debilitates them and has a profound impact on their life and the lives of those around them.
For others the violence is brutal and life changing.
Our services will respond to both of these situations and offer support to those affected.
Who experiences domestic abuse?
Research shows that domestic abuse is most commonly experienced by women and perpetrated by men. However we acknowledge that any person can experience domestic violence regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnic or religious group, class, disability or lifestyle.
Domestic violence can also take place in lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender relationships, and can involve other family members, including children.
Why does it happen?
All forms of domestic abuse - psychological, economic, emotional and physical - come from the abuser's desire for power and control over other family members or intimate partners.
Destructive Criticism and Verbal Abuse
Shouting/mocking/accusing/name calling/verbally threatening
Pressure Tactics
Sulking, threatening to withhold money, disconnect the telephone, take the car away, commit suicide, take the children away, report you to welfare agencies unless you comply with his/her demands regarding bringing up the children, lying to your friends and family about you, telling you that you have no choice in any decisions.
Disrespect
Persistently putting you down in front of other people, not listening or responding when you talk, interrupting your telephone calls, taking money from your purse without asking, refusing to help with childcare or housework.
Breaking Trust
Lying to you, withholding information from you, being jealous, having other relationships, breaking promises and shared agreements
Isolation
Monitoring or blocking your telephone calls, telling you where you can and cannot go, preventing you from seeing friends and relatives.
Harassment
Following you, checking up on you, opening your mail, repeatedly checking to see who has telephoned you, embarrassing you in public.
Threats
Making angry gestures, using physical size to intimidate, shouting you down, destroying your possessions, breaking things, punching walls, wielding a knife or a gun, threatening to kill or harm you and the children.
Sexual Violence
Using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts, having sex with you when you don't want to have sex, any degrading treatment based on your sexual orientation.
Physical Violence
Punching, slapping, hitting, biting, pinching, kicking, pulling hair out, pushing, shoving, burning, strangling.
Denial
Saying the abuse doesn't happen, saying you caused the abusive behaviour, being publicly gentle and patient, crying and begging for forgiveness, saying it will never happen again.
What are the signs of domestic abuse?
Stalking
Unwanted gifts, appearing in unexpected places, persistent loitering, or repeated messages can all be signs of stalking behaviour and should always be taken seriously.
Stalking involves a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention or actions that cause you to feel frightened, anxious, or distressed. It often overlaps with harassment, which may include repeated attempts to contact or communicate with you against your wishes.
More than one in four women nationally (4.8 million) aged between 16 and 59 have been affected by domestic abuse.
DH, 2011.
At least 950,000 children a year witness domestic abuse.
YouGov & 4 Children, 2012.
40-50% of women who have experienced domestic abuse are raped within their physically abusive relationship.
DH, 2011.
Stalking and harassment can be carried out by someone you do not know, or by a current or former partner. These behaviours may include:
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Following you
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Repeatedly calling or sending messages
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Turning up at places you visit and waiting around
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Damaging or interfering with your property
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Watching or monitoring you
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Sending unwanted gifts
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Making threats or attempting to intimidate you
While a single incident may seem minor, repeated behaviours can build into a pattern that causes significant fear, alarm, or distress. If you are experiencing ongoing unwanted behaviour—no matter how small it may appear—it is important to take it seriously. Stalking can have a profound impact on your life and may put you at risk of harm.
Keeping a record of incidents in a safe place can help you understand what is happening and may support you if you choose to report the behaviour to the police. Trust your instincts—if something does not feel right, seek support.
Specialist organisations such as Paladin and the National Stalking Helpline, run by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, offer expert guidance. Harbour can also provide advice and support, particularly if the stalking involves a current or former partner.
Clients in Durham and Darlington
If you are living in County Durham or Darlington, there are dedicated local services available to support victims of stalking.
Across these areas, specialist support is provided by services with trained Independent Stalking Advocacy Caseworkers (ISACs). An ISAC is a specialist professional who supports individuals experiencing stalking-related criminal behaviour, helping you stay safe and access the right services.
For non-domestic stalking (including strangers or acquaintances):
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Victim Care and Advice Service – A free and confidential service offering personalised support to help you cope and recover from the impact of crime. Support is available to anyone living in County Durham or Darlington, regardless of when or where the incident occurred.